Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want to have your abortion
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
