Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
