I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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