you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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