My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
