i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so let's talk penis.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
