i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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