Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
