made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
