It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
