I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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