Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i came on her dog
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
