how can u be prego again
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
