$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
