I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
