UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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