Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
