M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
