it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
