My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize