Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
