mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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