I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
