My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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