she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's get the cat blown out
The power of my boobs compel you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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