Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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