Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
