"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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