I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
