No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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