Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the raccoons are back...
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