Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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