So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
