we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
