let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
