Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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