So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize