About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
