Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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