didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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