So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
