I cannot find my penis.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
