I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
