I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
