u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
