I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
