Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
