u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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