dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
