He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
