Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
