Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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