JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize