So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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