Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
