take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
