My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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