I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You are the jesus of drinking
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
