Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
