she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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