Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
