Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
