isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize