I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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