If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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