I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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