Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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