I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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