its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
