Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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